You are under a huge shock and thats the worst time to make big decisions. I can figure out my own marriage stuff alone or with a counselor, but what/how/when do we tell our children in an age-appropriate way that their father had babies with someone else? Is your marriage fixable? All rights reserved (About Us). BIG FUCKING MISTAKE! Thank you for putting the other side of the story. Because Im sorry but if ur not I dont even know why u would be on this thread. I feel so confused and angry but Im trying to keep it together for my children help! She . Next cut it down into more manageable chunks: what are we going to do now? I am so hurt; obviously. Its the hardest thing to work through. Im depressed,I need help,my husband has cheated on me for 7years with the same girl,even now they are still together, but my husband keeps on saying they separated. He CHOOSE to cheat.
My Husband Cheated, Fathered A Child | Military.com The move has brought challenges I never expected. He bought baby clothing and has stated he would probably call her daily after the child is born I can stomach the thought of him visiting the child at her house shes made it clear she wants himshe knew he was married from the beginning. I too am in this situation. Soon after we broke up. If the husband's wife finds out, it can cause immense emotional pain and damage the trust between them. I dont know what to do Im hurt mad all I do is cry. It is impossible to predict because every child will react differently. Appears she spends every minute out walking and shopping with him. A bit pushy yes! But what do you do next? Where is the support for you? A husband who fathers a child outside of his marriage is committing adultery. My dad cheated on my mom and the mistress insults my mom and they send nasty phone calls to her she is doing voodo against us and he acts so diffrent, I know this post is old and I dont know if anyone still reads it, but Im in a unique scenario myself Last year, my husband of 5 years when on a business trip to Germany and had a 2 night stand with a woman. I know my day will come when I get to be mother. I asked him once if he calls her, and told me that they are not. I was nervous that he would return to her, but he didnt. Even now 5 years on from when I found out, weve got married and had another baby but I still think about this other child thats his and it still hurts me. He decides not to see the child at the moment this decision does not have to hold forever. Her attraction to other man, and his resentment about what she did, will often cripple the marriage in this situation. The mistress trying to sabotage the marriage. Do you have a friend who can do that? I met a man with four kids I was 21 at the time he was 26 , weve been together for almost 4 years . I think at the end of it all, it takes someone with a very big heart and loads of faith in God to do what is right in this messed up situation. It was/is a very unhealthy codependent relationship with a lot of mental abuse and control and manipulation. This is a form of infidelity and can be devastating to a marriage. There has to be clear cut boundaries and we both will have to make sacrifices. Please post your comments below, especially if you have experience with this dilemma and something that might benefit someone else going through this journey. Hes been sneaking around and giving her money. Why are they seeing each other / texting each other a lot? Indictment of Arizona polygamist leader, 10 others details sex crimes against young girls.
I suspect my husband fathered a child with someone else. Can I Woman Refuses To Babysit Child Her Husband Had During Affair - YourTango I on the other believe thats exactly what he should do until she decides to take a test. she sended me masgs of how she and my husband was sleeping 2gether and she dont want me near her. Did he confess immediately, or did you have to find out from someone else? You can stay fight for visitation, but in the end you my friend are the reason why that child doesnt have his/ her father full time.
I just want No part from a lieing cheating bastard who fathered another child but he doesnt get it. A week or so goes by and he informs me that he told her and he wants nothing to do with the child financially or otherwise. I feel like hiding in a hole forever. Anyway, that led to me filing for a divorce. When he confessed about the woman being pregnant, he explained to me that he didnt blame me if I wanted to leave but that he did love me and I was the best thing that had happened to him. She is determined to see this through to the bitter end. The question We have three adult children: our daughter is the eldest and two sons. If you start replying: If he didnt do x, I wouldnt be so angry. Thats an understandable thought but its about him and youre giving him power over your behaviour. Dont let them. The pain comes through in every word of your post. Do You Love Me, or Do You Only Love My Body? Scott suggested enlisting a therapist who specializes in working with children to talk through the new family dynamic you and your kids might have in store. March 6, 2022. You cant do the work for him. What does he want to do? Well done for choosing the sanity of stepping back and getting therapy. By mid November, he stopped all communication with her and he returned to me. Well once I found out, I let his wife know because there is a child involved. Hes been going and cominng visiting the baby and hiding it from me. Hi, my husband had an affair 8 years ago and had a child from that affair. In the end his bio dad really wanted nothing to do with him and made me go to the state just to make him be accountable to. I dont know myself anymore. You also need to listen to what your husband has got to say without getting too upset at the time (because your tears will make him close up or try and soothe you and you wont get the full story about how hes feeling). Meanwhile he has a son he doesnt see much who is 2 1/2 and still doesnt speak, isnt being socialized with other kids, and is neglected a lot of the time (she drank and smoked and took some drugs throughout her pregnancy so I imagine he has some form of fetal alcohol). During his confession he expressed how the child cannot live with us, but later explored the idea of us raising the baby. I would focus on your pregnancy, learning the lessons from this experience (why did it need your flatmate to be suspicious, I bet there was lots of clues that you turned a blind eye to?) I felt that I had lost everything. I am SO bitter and angry and resentful and even worse the homewrecking c**t KNEW about us and our family and that I was pregnant and she just didnt care. Youre dealing with a difficult situation really well. I dont know if they only text each other about the baby, and I do not know how to talk to my husband about it. I have questioned everything that has ever happened in the past wondering if this is the first time hes cheated or not. Ive tried begging them both to keep in mind these kids are 100% innocent.
My husband has fathered a baby with another woman - The Sun This woman gets my dream and what I want more than anything. My story is one compiled mess off all the stories Ive read. After discovering his continued lies, I have changed my mind about adopting the girls. Me and my husband were married for 4 years at the time. I dont know if I should believe him, I still feel like he is lying to me. Stay angry and hope it will go away? Now all of a sudden he wants to be involved in the childs life. This young girl is going to be more hurt knowing the truth, I hope it doesnt have to come from me, but if she asks me I will tell her as compassionately as possible. They traded email addresses after the first night She emailed him a couple months later saying she was pregnant and had to tell Germany authorities who the Father was. When I stopped and thought about it, i thought someone who is desperately unhappy. Instead of crawling under a rock, find yourself someone to talk to. Mid October he told me that shes pregnant. Take things one day at a time especially as youve already had so many changes with the arrival of your own daughter (congratulations). She is not mixing with other young mums in her area, has no friends and sits at home all week.The whole idea of my husband going to see the baby was to give her time off. This is hard to answer because it depends a lot on what you decide. Thank you for sharing your progress 80% out of the woods is a great achievement. Not knowing that there was more to that affair or that one night. I dont sleep either. Iam in that situation now I found that my husband of 16 years he was cheating on me with 2 women and the other one has a 2 years old son with the dating for 3 years with mother of that bastard child. If that is the case, you have two choices: get professional help for your marriage or ask him to leave. After 3 months of dating around he met me and we had a month or so of dating before I dumped him because he was too much of a player for me. I immediately noticed a change in him, and I noticed all the signs of a cheater that I didnt notice before. I guess I mean take personal responsibility that she chose to have a baby with a married man, and that she now has to accept the situation, even if it means she doesnt get the family she wanted out of it. So how do you get out of stuck? It sounds like youve been through the emotional wringer and there is more upset to come especially after the baby is born. After i caught him out lieing to me and he confessed it took a further 3 days to tell me his mistress was 5 months pregnant! The suffering caused by the affair would be re-triggered with each visitation. He comes every weekend at our place,meet his parents,his child and goes back. But he denies ever cheating. This husband/ or lack there of, cheated. He doesnt ask about her or anything and after all this he still had the nerve to call me a slut for finding a new boyfriend when I was 8 months pregnant when hed been cheating for years now hes telling me its all my fault he was a controlling narcissistic asshole. My husbands cheated and is having a baby. You cant control him and you certainly cant control her. But still after 10 months at home he cant be intimate with me because nothing works!! Didnt know what to say nor what to do, I held the secret for about a 6 weeks. My story is a bit different, to understand there is a background that needs to be understood. Sometimes I bury my head in my hands when I read the pain that some men put their wives through. Then out comes his confessions of having multiple one night stands in college and one in a car almost 20 years after our marriage. I just found out that my husband fathered a child with another women. He would go back home to his home town for lame excuses and attending all funerals out the blue. After talking for 2 years about having our own child & getting married he took it all away from. The main thing you need to know is this: to be a BIGGER person, you have to already be big! I had a really gud relationship with the mother we use talk and crack jokes. Shes living with him now because she has no job and lost her apartment (how conviently). !The money he is spending on them, when it should be for our future Hes nearly 63 years old for gods sake. My 4 year old son keeps asking me am I ok I try not to cry around him. I recommend the book Things you can only see when you slow down by Haemin Sunim and No Mud, No Lotus by Thich Nhat Hahn. Yes i got pregnant. Is it right to tell the eldest and expect them to keep it secret from the youngest? I was once a child of infidelity and didnt meet my father until I was 35 years old. It would be great to connect just for some advice.
NIGHT OF OPEN HEAVEN /DAY 15 (100 DAYS FASTING & PRAYER, 3RD - Facebook My bf helps her with money yet thats not enough and she lives with her parents and her parents refuse to watch the baby because they making him responsible by telling him he needs to watch the baby. Try showing some compassion for the person whos actually the victim here. I now feel like i have nobody. Im afraid I agree with you. Your husband needs to mourn. Hi Cassidy Im now going through this same exact thing. He says maybe when she gets a teenager because he doesnt want to have to do anything with his ex ever again no matter what. I remained here and care for his elderly mother among many other things. I can cope with his betrayal, I prohibit him to say anything to our kids because we spoke in the past about having a girl, wanted to be the one who will bring that special smile to his face and now it has been taken away from me. The last 4 years we have tried to get pregnant. My husband cheated and has a baby outside our marriage. I feel like there should be some kind of legislature that exists for the one-off situation like this. Both sides mutually decided that they wanted to take vows- which is essentially a promise before a higher power to love one another. Could you talk to your husband to ask if there is another school to which the girl could go? we were confident that it wasnt his and still believe it. I have to be quiet when she calls, yet when hes there, he wont answer my calls or messages. So what do other people think? My way of dealing was this: If you want to be a part of the childs life, be my guest, but you will not be a part of mine. It would place the marriage under a great deal of pressure that the couple might eventually find intolerable. I also recommend it for the protection of the betrayed spouse. How do I move forward from this? So dont beat yourself up for not knowing what to do. He said he wants to save the marriage and I have been holding on. Best wishes and I am truly sorry this has happened. Once their child was born she rarely let him see the baby and finally she moved out of state. What DO you want from your husband? She tried to him put in jail, she would come to our home while we sleeping We sold our home. I know he was also unhappy in his job and i tried to help him get a new one and booked course so he could retrain. I know they talk many times a day, and feel that they should limit contact unless its about the child. Youre exactly right when you state the whore wants her family. Hi Jo, Perhaps when some time has passed and youve had counselling it might be possible for you to be involved with the visits too (and in this way you wont fear so much for what is likely to happen between this woman and your husband. There is a lot of talking that needs to be done. I would also like you and your husband to get couple therapy so you can talk through the impact on your marriage. she is now taking him to maintenance court and Im tierd of her getting her way yet he cant see her for the trash she is I need help. He told me this afternoon few days ago, the woman had a baby girl who is 3 weeks old now. He didnt want the child and tried to force me to have an abortion for his own financial reasons. If Im right, there is no point him coming back unless hes in a treatment programme (and sticking to it). I expect he would tell you that he occasionally thinks about the other child (but not as often you would imagine) and probably feels guilty (about hurting you and letting everybody down). In the case of a wife being the unfaithful spouse, I recommend keeping the child in the family. He flipped back and forth and he wound up moving in with her and taking care of the baby for his first 15 months. Thankfully this man is in the military and will be held financially responsible. Dont beat yourself up, this is more about him than you. Once she has off loaded a bit, been heard and feels her feelings are OK, she will be easier to deal with. I hate the other woman, she has created what seems to be a war zone in my home when there is any mentioning of her or the other kids. I find myself wondering for my babys sake if its better to know your deadbeat dad or not know him at all. I have a million and one doubts and i keep searching for more evidence he lie even more.. If thats hard, you have to go back to the therapist and use the safety of counselling to say what youre both really thinking. TM & 2023 Peteski Productions, Inc. 2023 CBS Interactive Inc.. a Paramount company. He sees him 2 a month bit, she is always there. Im tired of everyone coming down on the wife for the man to accept those kids, hes battling with even accepting them because he dont even know that woman who went ahead and brought kids in the world in the span of 4 months meeting a man, how dare you act like the wife is evil. I am encountering this situation at this instant. He told his mistress he didnt want another child when she announced her pregnancy, but she decided to go ahead despite his wishes and they came up with lies to tell everyone to protect all the innocents involved. Paying child support is NOT the only thing he is responsible for that child deserves a father like your children. We have a 4 month daughter. When I ran away from a abusive cult unbringing I became involved with a man with who I fell pregnant to. Online Counselling >>. We currently have 2 small children together which I did not want to have to come from a broken home like my husband and I. I told him he first needs to make things clear with her and make sure she understands he is married, has a family and is not going to leave me for her as he tells me wants the marriage to work. Well, the vasectomy was botched (if he even had one) and the DNA results tell the real whole story. I am trying to cope with that loss. There are two options and after thirty years working on this I feel it stronger than ever if he wants to stay with you, this is done openly as a team with you both going to see the child (at least while he or she is so young that any visit involves the mother) or there is no contact whatsoever. Finally, do you have children of your own? Go Your way. His demeanor changed and I just felt something wrong. This is such an old post but Im hoping to get some advice. Hello, Ive been together with my husband for 29 years since we were 16 years old. My question is just focused on whats best for our 3 daughters. My husband loves me and I him. Well you shouldnt have had the child then just to win over my bf with your low level games. I am going through this situation right now. He still lies to me about it. As much as it hurt me this was an innocent child at the end of the day.. Just had a holiday together which was nice but no physical loving, just hugs. It will help you feel a bit better but it wont take the pain away that will take a lot of time. I guess I just need to try to keep my sanity through all of this right now. Fast forward to now the child is 16 and a family member called to say the mother died. What can i do? So now I dont know here i am trying to deal with the infidelity and deception on one hand and the mistress continuous actions the other hand. What should I do? Already discussed what you can do.
My husband is having a baby with his mistress. - WomansDivorce.com If he doesnt want to shut her out, thats fine (because there is no point being unnecessarily antagonistic). My husband and I have been married for 12 years and he has a 6 year old daughter that I just found out about a month ago. Why are you even on here with such an attitude? Your husband isnt listening to how you feel. Or, he may not even know that he is the father. I transferred to another clinic because I felt uncomfortable. I have been dating my boyfriend for almost 3 years. I think H is thinking that he can give in to his cravings now while the kids are away and before he goes to treatment and enjoy it while it lasts. I highly suspect she did that to force his hand to leave me and to get him to marry her. dont be ridiculous. I know that its HIS family but is everyone that indecent that they didnt think that I needed to know? However, you have to ask yourself if this is possible. I told him I except him in my life but could never and will never except a constant reminder of my own pain and his betrayal. Be kind to yourself and dont expect too much. I found out a little more than a year ago that he had an affair and the woman was pregnant. I am not sure I know how to ask any question without making it seems like I am accusing him of lying. The lady pulled into my husbands driveway while we were having a graduation party for our daughter, got the baby out of the car and proceeded into the house! Should the Policy of Joint Agreement Be Violated When Trying to Meet Your Spouse's Emotional Needs? If he didnt want me then of course I am not going to make him stay with me. That day I had a feeling something was going on or about to happened. Even SHE texted me saying how she had begged him to tell our sons and how selfish he was. Before anyone goes into telling me Im stupid or that hes a jerk for not insisting that his wife be included, there are a couple of things that you should know: my husband is battling a dual-diagnosis mental health issue. I dont see you husband being able to give her and the child up. Im not saying you should take on the kid but that the two of you need to do a lot of talking and make the decision together not with a loaded gun to each others head (which is how it feels now). Good luck. So its all down to keeping talking. You are living a nightmare but I hope knowing that youre not alone will help. If you keep calm, dont accuse and listen, he might answer. Sorry This is all so confusing How do we protect our marriage and family from this woman and yet care for this child as well? He had an on and off affair with an Eastern European girl for 10 years. At this moment my husband told me that his mistress told him he was pregnant by him and he wanted to know if I would accept that baby, but to be honest I dont know if I could. My days are spent up and down with my emotions. Why was he careless and put himself in the position of becoming a father? I decided to leave because of the continuous cheating and abuse. 3 years ago I found out my husband had an affair with another woman and had children with her. I love this man,i am inlove with my husband but he shake my faith,i feel a shame and just to go die in a corner somewhere but i have a six year old so i cant afford to really break down. I can only imagine the impact of this complicated situation on you and your children. Every woman wants a father for her baby even if he is someone elses husband. Theres only one choice and thats to be an adult and take care of the child. I found out about the affair 2 years after it started. This way it would look as though he had the baby when we were separated. And a women near 40 is well aware of her period range and fertility days on a calender! For several months he was obviously angry and upset. I feel like I got robbed. She is a very angry lady who, now wants their son to meet my husbands family WITH HIM. No where in the Bible does it say husband n wife kids plus mistress and illegitimate child and I stand by this. I have been married for 28 years but known my husband for 30 years as well his family. He will get angry and blame you for being unreasonable but take no notice. Youre so intelligent. Do you really want to be with this man? And I bet he still has a drug problem too! I dont want to have contact with him at all ) lets say 5 years from now this bio dad pops up and says hey my wife and I are great. He wants to work it out with me because I am supposedly the love of his life. The child is old enough to be picked up and dropped off at the door by your husband without on-going close contact with her mother. The child is now born and the other woman is still hoping for a future with my husband. Is this marriage fixable?!? Meaning he is paying child support but doesnt get to see the child when he ask. I would suggest couple counselling or if your children are suffering family counselling too. I thought I was hurt by the affair and the finding out she was pregnant but I am literally torn apart and destroyed by him now having contact when we had moved on with our lives. I still feel betrayed and it hurts to hear her call him Daddy.I know I sound foolish or even selfish, but her presence is a nuisance and so is he now. My guess is that she says sees matters from an entirely different perspective and its possible that he has not been 100% honest with you about her too. He said that he couldnt live with himself anymore lying to me over and over again by withholding the truth. That caused another issue specially to my 2 daughters. He said he is not happy with her, kept fighting & separated many times. We have to leave our city because its not offered here we have no money and now lies than ever seeing that he has to pay almost 700 a month in child support. I need to know how to deal with this. What I do know is that it is very painful. Everyone in his family knew but me and no one thought that I needed to know enough. I dont know what to do. You cant do this alone. You will need help handling this. I love him and want to get over this but dont know how. Now will be the ultimate test. It starts out painful watching your husband with a child he created out of mess with another woman ..but sweetheart just as I tell my son you will never know the ways of a woman they are sneaky conniving and they play to win. Not much to go on is it? Is there any hope left for me? And she demands that he do things for her and ties it into the needs of the baby. im in the same situation , I had to find out about my husbands child at his brothers funeral the bad part was that I was the only one who didnt know about it and his mistress was also there and I did not know that, I got to find out about it after the burial and everyone had gone to their homes, I felt betrayed, hurt and humiliated. Exactly .the othe women would understand that bc she wants to believe her own perception.man and women think differently so the other will always think thats not the case or what not but it really be the mistake now if he keeps dealing with her thats a different story man prove how they feel when they make you the Priority, Well I was in a situation where it was two women in a relationship and they wanted to have a baby and asked me to be the sperm donor and I did it and after they separated the birth mother came after me for child support my wife found out and ruined my marriage. Then the woman announced she was pregnant. but the truth is she asked me to get a gun and shot myself and to divorce my husband and find another father for our daughter. Please consider getting therapy, so you can look at this horrible mess calmly and clearly and set appropriate boundaries. At the time of the original confession he just told me he loved her and wanted to be with her. He says he loves me everyday. My position is to try and understand where someone is coming from. I am wondering if I should talk to this girl to find out her side of the story. At first, I was angry, humiliated, embarrassed, and ended up having a nervous breakdown. I find it difficult to understand why your lover decided to dig up all the pain after it seemed to have healed for you. im going through the same thing well it seems to bethe mistress is still pregnant and is not due until may.
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